Celibacy until marriage: Benefits of NOT doing it

by Theresa Marie Abec, FLT Columnist

A recent headline in social media reports that the smoking hot girlfriend of a celebrity football player, Tim Tebow, has ended their relationship because of his choice to save sex for marriage. I have no way of confirming if this is true, but it certainly brings up an interesting topic: saving sex for marriage.

Our culture seems to be saturated in sexual images and enmeshed in a culture of “just do what feels good.” There are benefits of saving sex for marriage, and some consequences that are life long.

Sex is more than a physical act; it is also a connection of two individuals — soul and spirit. There is a difference between object sex and relational sex. Object sex is when an individual just uses their body in a sexual way, whereas relational sex is when sex is a tri-dimensional connection — body, soul and spirit. Object sex examples are one night stands, sex with prostitutes, and masturbating to pornography. Object sex brings a disconnect with soul and spirit, which creates a deep divide to his or her ability to connect monogamously with a future spouse. So a big benefit to premarital sexual abstinence is this special bond that makes two individuals become one. Some other benefits to virginity until marriage is avoidance of sexually transmitted infections, pregnancy, depression, anxiety and pain.

So what is sex worth to you or your children? The cost of casual sex is high; sexual experiences are embedded in one’s brain and that hinders you and your spouse in full connection if you have had sex with multiple partners. When an individual like Tim Tebow can say no to sex it shows self control, moral character, priorities, and most of all the ability to delay gratification. So someone who is chaste shows fidelity, which is a good thing in marriage, and someone who just couldn’t wait shows infidelity probabilities in marriage.

As a mental health therapist, I see dysfunction stemming from sexual choices made before marriage that create a lot of pain in families. Hooray for you all you “Tim Tebows” out there who are saying no to premarital sex, seeing the benefits of not doing it. It is a sad commentary that virginity is so odd these days that it is newsworthy.

Theresa Abec is the Director and Founder of the Northwest Ohio Center for Sex Addiction.

Theresa is a Board Certified Clinical Counselor and welcomes new patients looking for assistance with adults with mental health issues specializing in sex addiction recovery therapy. Currently under direct clinical supervision with Dr. Doug Weiss through the American Association for Sex Addiction Therapy (AASAT). For more information or to  schedule an appointment visit: NorthwestOhioCenterforSexAddiction.org.