So I bought my husband a pair of sexy underwear and…

by Theresa Marie Abec, FLT Columnist


Let me back up just a little…the theme of this column is love is a choice not a feeling.

Let’s face it — it is not easy being loving, right? “What about me” and “I don’t feel like loving”are common ways of thinking. Some see love solely as this mystical emotion or feeling of affection. Let me offer an alternative perspective: Love is more than a feeling; it is a behavior and an attitude, ultimately a choice.

If my desire is to show love to myself and others, the “feeling” may not be present all the time. I make a decision to act in a loving manner towards myself and others even when I may not feel like it.

Learning how I GIVE and SEE love and how others GIVE and SEE love is an important part of this equation. For example, I recently bought my husband a pair of underwear that I thought he would look good in. He opened them up and by the expression on his face I could tell instantly that what I thought was a loving behavior he did not see as one. He said, “I can buy my own underwear, thank you.”

So how did I react to this exchange? After internally shaking off some offense (…because what is the big deal, wear the darn underwear!) I told him I was just trying to show him love, BUT he didn’t see this as loving so I made a choice to return the gift. I then made a choice to show him love in a way he likes, which was to watch a football game with him. Be cautious to not to force your way of love on others while balancing the receipt of love of what others are offering you…this is give and take.

Practicing to love is not always easy and requires intention, repetition and examining our motives. Some people are easier to love than others. In fact, those who need more love usually act more unloving. Maybe a self-help book, counsel or friendly discussion with healthy individuals can help us along with this issue of practicing love as a choice.

Love is a driving force in our world. Most of us are seeking it, trying to be it or trying to give it. So today let us all examine our views on love and realize its importance in our lives and choose to be loving.

To schedule an appointment with Theresa, call Serenity Health and Wellness Center at 419-891-2181.